What do polar bears get from sitting on the ice too long?

We just clicked.

And now they’ve added May 6 as Revenge of the Sixth. But there is nothing for tomorrow. I find their lack of Eighth disturbing.

Problem was, it was the only gorilla in the zoo because it wasn’t very profitable. The gorilla was by far the most popular attraction, and they couldn’t afford to go a single day without it. So the zoo owner came up to me and said, "For an extra $100 a day, do you want to put on this gorilla costume until we can afford a new one?" Of course, I said yes. Pretty quickly, I became the biggest hit at the zoo. Everyone wanted to see the human-like gorilla. About a month later, the craze started to die down, but they kept pressuring me to get people’s attention again. So, in a desperate attempt, I climbed over to where the lions were and started hanging off the net. Suddenly, this massive crowd gathered, and everyone looked terrified. I could feel my grip slipping — I couldn't hold on any longer. I started screaming, "Help! Help!" — and then I fell. The lion rushed toward me, and just as I thought it was over, he leaned in and whispered, "Shut the fuck up before we all get fired."

is a huge missed steak

UCLA

An 88 year old grandmother wrote to her granddaughter, Dear Jane, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling prayer meeting with your young cousin Jimmy. I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did – what an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It’s a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus. While I was sitting there, the guy me behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out his window and screamed, “ For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!' What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Then everyone started honking! Jimmy was sitting in the backseat, laughing and smiling. I leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked Jimmy what that meant and he said it was a Hawaiian good luck signal. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck signal and for some reason Jimmy burst out laughing. It was good to see him enjoying this religious experience. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window, and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks! Will write again soon, Love, Grandma

Sketchers

I should be able to swing it!”

It’s apparent.

A sharp pee.